US invades Venezuela totally not just for their oil

Operation Venezuelan Freedom began this week as the United States answered the Venezuelan people’s call for help. The failures of Hugo Chavez and Nicolas Maduro left Venezuela with shortages of food and supplies. The weight of an average Venezuelan dropped 15 pounds, and the United States was content watching the people starve until a recent study came forward discussing the Venezuelan economy.

Venezuela was an economic powerhouse in 2013 and four years later, the country is struggling to feed their people. The problem is that the Venezuelan economy was based on oil. All of Venezuela’s social programs were funded by profits from the sale of crude oil.

Now, all that untapped oil is laying in lonely oil beds deep below Earth’s surface with no one to take it all. The poor oil is sad, it just wants to see the light of day. With no jobs, the oil is struggling to feed its oil children. The oil is starving and political unrest leaves the oil feeling unsafe and uncertain of what the future looks like for other oil families. The homicide rate in the oil beds is up 20 percent and oil is starving in the streets.

The United States would not stand by and watch this happen to the oil people of Venezuela. The United States sent in troops to protect the oil Venezuelans and help them to rid them of their murderous dictator Nicolas Maduro. This unwavering show of force brought hope to the people of Venezuela.

“We have been calling for help down here for months,” stated Oliver Fuentez, whose store closed after he was unable to fill the shelves. “I am so grateful to the people of the United States for finally caring about our starving children. I was so afraid when the celebrities Sean Penn and Michael Moore complement murders like Chavez and Guevara. I started to think that Americans thought socialism worked.”

Fuentez’s sentiments are widespread across Venezuela, after realizing someone had finally answered their calls for help.

“I was so relieved when I saw the military vehicles roll into Caracas. I was confused at first because so many of the tanks looked like oil rigs, but I am just hoping that this intervention will allow me to open the doors of my store once again,” stated Fuentez.

The relief effort waged by the United States was immediate. Truckloads of food and supplies were rushed into the country and troops closed in on Maduro.

“Yeah. We figured the cost-benefit analysis weighed in our favor. Venezuela was already in shambles and the oil was ours for the taking help was ours for the giving,” stated General Smith. “We really looked into it and saw that terrorism isn’t that big of a deal down here. Suicide bombings few and far between, and the Venezuelans don’t really hate us yet so it is kind of a prime location for spreading freedom.”

While the people of Venezuela welcome the help, some Americans are less than thrilled to see the United States getting involved in another foreign conflict.

“The United States has no business involving themselves in Venezuela’s problems,” stated Jerry Gonson. “You can only argue that Operation Venezuelan Freedom is a fight for freedom if you consider oil a freedom.”

Although some echo Gonson’s concerns that the United States is only interested in Venezuelan oil, the people of Venezuela are just happy to have food in their stomachs.

“We are just relieved that someone is finally paying attention to our calls for help,” stated Fuentez. “The fact that the Americans are so caring and willing to fight for all people is truly honorable.”

When asked if the U.S. will be taking in any Venezuelan refugees, the entire U.S. could not be reached for comment but did tweet “We love Venezuela! Drill Baby Drill!”


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