Nicholas Johnson


College Sophomore Solves All The World's Problems

In a stunning turn of events, all major societal ills have come to an end. The harbinger of this new utopian era of global prosperity- Derek Smith, a sophomore at the University of Minnesota. Smith, an undergraduate student of political science, is no stranger to conflict.


In a recent address to the United Nations, President Trump presented in stark terms his opinions of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

A Moral Case for Free Speech

Free speech is a hot-button topic in the political arena. Where there once existed a general consensus surrounding the First Amendment’s importance, there is now avigorous debate over which ideas deserve legal protection.

This Whole Confederate Thing

In my glorious tradition of waiting for an issue to fade into relative obscurity before forming an opinion, I will now attempt to solve the Confederate kerfuffle. Confederate Kerfuffle, it must be noted, would be an excellent name for the band to play at the future Senator Kid Rock's swearing-in ceremony.


President Trump Lays Out Master Plan For American Revitalization In 106-Part Tweet

Warning: Satire In a dramatic move from his general social media presence, President Trump's 106 part tweet, a chain which began at around 3 AM and concluded at noon today, has astounded critics and supporters alike with its nuanced, yet assertive prescriptions for America's ails. The tweet began, "Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing." The more well-read individuals amidst the President's nearly 38 million followers immediately recognized this obscure Sylvia Plath quotation, a musing the late poet included in a draft letter to a close friend.