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In a recent address to the United Nations, President Trump presented in stark terms his opinions of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. The President started his address by running through a slideshow, which was comprised entirely of photoshopped images of the North Korean dictator. Some of the slides depicted a shirtless Kim, his arms wrapped…

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University Mandates Spelling Class for Bridge Vandals, College Republicans

Recently, several student group panels on the Washington Avenue bridge were vandalized. Panels belonging to the College Republicans, Turning Point USA, Collegians for a Constructive Tomorrow, the Bipartisan Issues Group and the Minnesota Republic were all targeted by the vandalizing “artists.” As the University has caught the vandals and a feast in their honor has…

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President Trump Lays Out Master Plan For American Revitalization In 106-Part Tweet

Warning: Satire In a dramatic move from his general social media presence, President Trump’s 106 part tweet, a chain which began at around 3 AM and concluded at noon today, has astounded critics and supporters alike with its nuanced, yet assertive prescriptions for America’s ails. The tweet began, “Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything,…

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Trans-Supremacy Movement Gaining Ground on Campus

Breaking Development: Folwell Hall loses ground in the war of heteronormativity. Within the building that historically houses the languages department, the first floor single-occupancy is now occupied, preventing the population that uses the building from using it. Inside the restroom is a piece of construction paper that indicates that “Cis Poopers” are not allowed. This movement,…

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